


Community Chest

by 99bottlesofbeer



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Domestic Fluff, M/M, POV Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28668528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/99bottlesofbeer/pseuds/99bottlesofbeer
Summary: Joe is always taking Nicky's food. Nicky gets annoyed. Sorry, it seems I truly suck at summaries.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 3
Kudos: 87





	Community Chest

**Author's Note:**

> We've all had that friend/lover. The one who "couldn't possibly eat another bite" then polishes off half your dessert? Yeah, you know who I'm talking about.....

Nicky's been up for over an hour. He's already cycled to the boulangerie to pick up breakfast for everyone (a selection of pastries for the others and one buttery croissant for himself). The rest of the team are still asleep and the French safe house is blissfully quiet. Truth be told this is his favourite time of day. It's cool and quiet and he feels energized and ready for the day. Well, he'll be even more energized once he's had his cappuccino.

The gleaming coffee machine on the counter is a recent addition to the house. Joe bought it for Christmas and it is by far his favourite present of the past two centuries. Sadly, it is not very portable so he hasn’t had a chance to use it much. But this trip, he is determined to make up for lost time! It not only grinds the beans, but steams and froths the milk and every cup is like liquid velvet. The only slight drawback at the moment is the enticing aroma it is currently producing. He relishes his quiet mornings but if the others smell the coffee brewing, they will storm the kitchen like as SAS squad. Feeling slightly guilty he opens the kitchen windows and back door and tries to waft the delicious fragrance outside.

A few minutes later, he is sprinkling some powdered chocolate on top of the steaming mug. The sun is painting the sky a myriad of pinks and blues. It’s a perfect morning for a quiet al fresco breakfast. He plucks a dishcloth from the drawer and steps onto the back terrace to wipe the dew off the table and chairs. It's going to be a fabulous day!

"Ah, Nicolo that was one hell of a good coffee." Joe calls out as he slurps down the cappuccino. He puts the cup down and smiles. Nicky is frozen to the spot with a mixture of shock and horror on his face as Joe wipes the delicious frothy milk from his moustache with his shirt. He reaches into the bag of pastries and extracts Nicky's croissant.

"Come on Nile move it!” He shouts up the stairs. “This was your idea." Nicky steps back into the kitchen and watches unbelievingly as Joe shoves half the croissant in his mouth, flakes of perfect pastry floating to the floor.

"Why…why are you up so earlier?" He’s trying to keep his voice even. It’s difficult.

Joe distractedly wipes the crumbs from his beard and motions to his sweatpants and t-shirt. "Jogging with Nile, remember?"

Nile comes into the kitchen with her phone in one hand and ear buds in the other. She spots Joe finishing off the croissant. "Oh, man." She shakes her head, "You are so going to puke that up." She laughs as she heads out the backdoor.

"We’ll see about that!” He shouts after her. “See you babe." Joe gives Nicky a slightly buttery, coffee scented kiss on the cheek and leaves him standing in the middle of the kitchen holding a damp dish towel and scowling.

\-----------

By early afternoon, Nicky has updated their current weapons inventory, finished off some much needed rifle maintenance and created a list of supplies for their trip into town. It’s been a productive morning and it’s managed to salvage his mood. It was only coffee after all and while he does regret the loss of that most delicious of morning breads, he takes comfort in the fact that he has perhaps just crafted the most perfect BLT ever. He's not a huge fan of sandwiches in general. It's food for on the go, something to eat whilst doing hours of reconnaissance or shovel down after a long mission. They are not a meal to be savoured and enjoyed. But the BLT? Now that is a different story! It was love at first bite for Nicky. And when you use fresh ciabatta bread lightly toasted with a slick of olive oil and quick rub of garlic? Divinity on a plate.

So when his cell phone vibrates on the counter he can feel the first prickle of frustration.

"Si, pronto." He’s in no mood for niceties.

“Nicky, it's Copley. I need to speak with Andy.” It's a bad connection. Nicky holds the phone away from his ear as the line squeals and pops.

“She’s out training with Nile. Call back in about an hour.” Nicky starts to hang up.

“Wait, wait! I need to get this message to her ASAP. Can you write this down?"

"Can't you just send an email?" Nicky looks longingly at his sandwich. Damnit the bread is going to go soggy!

"Not a good idea. This is too sensitive and Andy wanted it yesterday. Ready?”

"Hang on, hang on!" Nicky walks out to the living room opening random drawers in search of a something to write on. After much shouting and repeating, he’s written Copley’s information on the back of envelope with a dull pencil. He finally hangs up and walks back into the kitchen just in time to see.....

"I think this is the best BLT you’ve ever made!" Half his sandwich is missing and tomato juice runs down Joe’s chin. “I was starving after that run this morning.” He takes another huge bite. Nicky can hear the soft sweet crackle of the toasted bread along with the solid crunch of perfectly cooked bacon. “Thanks for that.” He licks his fingers as he walks out. Nicky stares after him and snaps the pencil.

\--------------

He spends the rest of the day in garden, avoiding Joe, and taking his frustrations out on the various overgrown shrubs around the house leaving a swath of butchered foliage in his wake. If Joe has noticed that Nicky is in a bit of a mood today, he hasn’t said anything. By the time they head into town, Nicky’s managed to calm himself down and the only blood shed has been his own on all the thorn bushes.

Its late afternoon and the swarms of tourists are finally thinning out. They run their errands and visit a few local sites with Nile and all in all it turns into rather a pleasant trip. The summer sun is still remarkably hot and everyone is ready for a break as they find a table outside a little brasserie. Nile suggests some ice cream and Nicky and Andy are quick to agree.

"No thanks, I'm good," Joe says as he stretches and clasps his hands behind his head. He is the picture of a man with not a care in the world. Looking at Joe right now, Nicky can feel his pulse quicken. He looks like a god sitting there all tanned and toned, the sunshine sparkling off his glossy hair.

Nile returns with three ice cream cones and passes them around. Nicky nods his thanks. Maybe when they get back he and Joe can sneak off to the bedroom for a little-

"You know, on second thought that looks really good." Joe reaches over and casually plucks the ice cream from Nicky's disbelieving fingers. He takes an enormous bite and rolls his eyes in pleasure.

"Mmmmm! Yeah, that definitely hits the spot." All thoughts of bedroom fun disappear like a puff of smoke in a strong breeze. He has to sit on his hands to keep from wringing Joe's neck.

\-------------

Nicky makes his way back to the house on his own, the rest having decided to watch a football match at one of the bars. He knows he probably looks like a crazy person as he practically stomps the two kilometres back to the house, muttering all the way.

Right, he thinks, best thing for a bad mood is a beer and a good book. Luckily, he is at an exciting part of his current paperback and with the house nice and quiet, he should be able to finish it. He pops the top off his Leffe beer and makes himself comfortable on the couch. He pats around and scans the end tables. Where did he leave his book? Ah, yes....bedroom. He's just coming back down the stairs, book in hand when the front door slams shut. Someone is rummaging around in the refrigerator and he hears the TV click on. 

"What channel is the game on?" Nile asks as she picks up the remote. She settles into one of the armchairs and accepts a beer from Andy who flops down in the other.

"Whoa, go back one. There it is. Perfect timing!" Joe kicks off his shoes and heads toward the couch.

“I thought you were staying in town?” Nicky can feel his voice climb a few octaves and decibels.

“They were playing one of the local matches, so we came back.” He watches as Joe settles back into _his_ space on the couch and takes a long swig from _his_ beer and something just….snaps.

"Madre di Dio! I have had it!" Nicky shouts making both Joe and Nile jump. Andy merely raises an eyebrow.

He pulls his arm back and hurls his book full force at Joe. It makes a satisfying thwack as it hits him square in the forehead.

"Ow!" Joe is rubbing his head with a _what the hell_ look on his face.

Nile gives a low whistle as her eyebrows attempt to meet her hairline but she doesn't break eye contact with the TV.

Nicky gives Joe a hard stare and stomps upstairs. Joe is, of course, right behind him. Just inside their bedroom, Joe catches his wrist in one hand and pushes the door closed with the other. Nicky turns on him fast and Joe takes a defensive step back, hands raised in surrender. Nicky can feel his face going a nasty shade of red as he curses Joe in five different languages (3 of them dead). He details all the times that Joe has snatched something from him in the past. It goes on for quite a while.

Joe stares at him, not attempting to say anything, just letting Nicky burn himself out. When he finally does, he gives Joe an imploring look.

"Why must you eat and drink everything of mine anyway?" His hands have finished their wild gesticulations and hang limply at his sides.

Joe has the decency to look slightly embarrassed as he stares at his feet. When he lifts his head to meet Nicky’s eyes however, it’s not with a look of contrition but rather seduction. He stares into Nicky's eyes for a moment before letting his gaze fall to rest on his lips.

“Oh no you don’t!” Nicky says as he takes a step backwards. He wags his finger at Joe. “Don’t give me that look.”

Joe’s eyes linger a moment longer on his mouth before drifting slowly (oh so slowly) down Nicky’s body, coming rest on his crotch. His traitorous dick gives a twitch under Joe's smouldering gaze.

“This isn’t going to work, you know.” Nicky steps back again and finds his back against the wall. “I’m….” he clears his throat, “I’m still very angry.” He should probably be embarrassed by how shaky and uncertain that sounded but his brain is now functioning on a significantly reduced blood flow.

Joe keeps his eyes on the growing bulge in Nicky’s jeans. He leans back and tilts his head like he is appreciating a work of art. He runs his tongue over his bottom lip and then bites it. Nicky feels his knees wobble at the sight. The he straightens up and takes a stride toward Nicky crowding into his personal space. He’s uses his slight height advantage to make Nicky look up into his eyes. He leans slowly forward and Nicky licks his lips in anticipation of a kiss. But Joe bypasses his mouth and instead puts his lips next to his ear and whispers seductively-

"But baby, everything of yours just tastes so damn good." He leans back, looks at Nicky with those big velvety brown eyes and gives him the dirtiest of dirty smiles.

"You…you think this is your Get Out of Jail Free card, don’t you?" Nicky asks rather breathlessly.

"Yes." Joe leans in to within millimeters of his lips. "Is it working?"

Nicky knows when he’s been beaten. He blindly fumbles for the doorknob and flips the lock.

\------------------------

"So what did I miss?" Joe flops on the couch looking flushed and slightly smug.

“Whistle’s just blown for half time." Nile gives him a hard look. “You’ve only missed the whole first half!”

"Oh, really?” He takes a quick look at his watch. “In that case I still have some time." He happily heaves himself back off the couch. He gives Nile a pat on the shoulder as he passes and practically runs up the stairs two at a time.

Nile sits there with her mouth open, shaking her head. Andy just rolls her eyes before reaching over and downing the rest of Joe's beer.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully Joe came across as more clueless then intentionally annoying. That's what I was going for anyway :)


End file.
